I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
