i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
