I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
