so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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