mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
