Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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