It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
