i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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