I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
