it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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