Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
