You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
