lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
