Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
