I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
