Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
