Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
