Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
