so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
