He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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