I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
