Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
