...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
