I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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