I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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