My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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