Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
