JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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