Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
