I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
