I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
