He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
