we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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