Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
