Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Randomize
