I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
