I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
