I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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