If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
