Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
