The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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