The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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