In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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