you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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