if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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