So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
