The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
