What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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