im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
