Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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