the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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