I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
