but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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